Loving Lovegood
by thenevercat
Summary: Harry has feelings for more than one girl during his sixth year.


**AN: This is an alternative romantic subplot for the Half-Blood Prince. All other subplots are glossed over in favor of that.**

Harry found that Luna's touch when she entwined her arm with his awoke pleasant warmth in his chest. It was almost like the sneer of jealousy that appeared whenever he looked at Ginny and Dean lately, but this came with a tenderness—not a rage.

"This was a lovely evening, Harry Potter. Lovelier than all the other lovely evenings in quite some time."

They had arrived at Ravenclaw Tower with Harry barely noticing. He peered over the spiral staircase. The winding structure mirrored how his insides felt, curving around each other, bent and sharp in the center.

"Truly so lovely," Luna was still saying.

"Er, right. Sorry I had to leave you for a bit," Harry said.

"Quite all right." Luna's eyes glittered with anticipation Harry knew he should meet.

"I had a good time, too. We could have more good times, just us. No need to wait on Slug Club parties." He took a step closer to Luna so the tips of their shoes touched. Luna smiled with a certain mischief Harry had not thought her capable of. "I wanted to thank you, too, for how you looked tonight."

It really had been such a relief that she dressed like a normal person.

Luna giggled like forks clinking against wine glasses. "I thank you for looking handsome, as well."

"You're very pretty, Luna, of course, but that's not what I meant. I mean I thought you might wear your lion hat or even a slug hat. You'd look cute in that, of course, but at the party, you know I—oh."

Luna's smile drooped into a deep frown as Harry rambled.

"Did I say something wrong?" said Harry.

"Would that have bothered you?" said Luna. " Had I been more my usual self?"

"Some of it would have been embarrassing out of context."

"Contrary to popular belief, I do not have a complete lack of social comprehension and etiquette." Luna swiveled away and faced the Ravenclaw door. She lifted the eagle doorknocker, and the thunk it made reverberated in Harry's heart.

"Luna, no, I didn't mean—"

A deep voice like a roving thunderstorm cut Harry off with a question.

_What leaves when told, but never on its own?_

"I'd say it's the very annoying presence of a certain Boy Who Lived, but I suppose the answer you're looking for is Banished objects."

A seam widened in the center, and the doors swung into a dark hallway lit by tallow candles. Luna hurried through the entrance, disappearing into the dark, but not before Harry saw her hands wipe at her eyes. The door shut and sealed itself, leaving Harry with only the doorknocker for company.

"I'm sorry," Harry said, helpless. He slumped his shoulders and trudged back to Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

Harry found Hermione studying by the fireplace. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun with a quill sticking out of one end.

"Bit late for studying, even for you," Harry said, plopping down across from her. "Especially after the party. Aren't you tired?"

Hermione looked up from her textbook, frowning at Harry. He knew she hated being distracted, but this was not a look of annoyance. Hermione said nothing, and sniffed, dabbing her nose with her sleeve. Light from the fire danced across Hermione's face, revealing puffy eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asked. He was not surprised things with McLaggen had not gone well.

"No." Hermione's voice was flat and final.

"Not talking is fine. I'd rather not talk about my night, either."

Hermione took in a steady breath, and sighed into her textbook. Girls always seemed to be crying around Harry. He had set a bad precedent with Cho last year. Then again, if he had shut up and kissed Luna, maybe the evening would not have ended in tears.

"Harry, I can hear you thinking from all the way over there. Just tell me what's wrong."

"I walked Luna back to Ravenclaw common room, and she got mad at me for no reason. None at all."

Hermione gave him a doubtful look. "Go on," she said.

Harry repeated the conversation they had before Luna stormed off.

"I just don't get the problem," Harry said.

Hermione massaged her forehead. Harry had not seen her look quite so pained since Professor Trelawney's class in third year.

"What?" he said.

"Are you really that thick? Harry, you called her _weird_."

"She _is_ weird. Personally, I thought she took pride in it."

Hermione slammed her book shut. A cloud of dust shot out around it. Harry sneezed as she placed it between them on the hearth.

"Of course she does. But you made her feel like you thought she were clueless as to it all. Basically, you said she was an embarrassment."

"I didn't, er, I never used that word."

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"But I supposed that's what I meant." Harry put his head in his hands and yanked his unruly hair. "Why am I so awful at communicating? I'll never properly tell a girl I fancy her. I could really use my dad right now."

Harry leaned against the stone and stared into the fire. Sirius had appeared in it a year ago when Harry had to talk to him after seeing some of Snape's unhappy memories involving James.

_We were all idiots…_

"You mean you actually fancy Luna?" Hermione's voice pulled a curtain over his memory. "As in you want to be her boyfriend?"

"Look, it surprised no one more than me. We have something in common. Something only she can understand about me, and I want to know more about her. I want to understand her, too."

Hermione snickered, shaking her head. "I'm not sure that's an achievable goal."

* * *

Harry waited outside Ravenclaw common room the next day and the next, but he never saw Luna leave or return. He scanned the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall, pacing up and down the aisles until Professor McGonagall sent him back to his seat.

"Kindly do not wear a hole in the concrete, Mr. Potter."

Well, if Luna did not want to be found, he would not look. Obviously, if she wanted an apology she would let Harry speak to her. That's what Harry told himself, trying to ignore the ache storming in his lungs, making every breath a sting. He threw himself into his schoolwork, impressing Slughorn with more of his potions thanks to the Half-Blood Prince's annotations, and running Quidditch practice two hours longer than usual. Memory searching with Dumbledore proved more taxing with each dip into the pensieve. Still, Luna's presence hung like a star guiding him to her, though he kept mixing up which direction he went in. One moment he was hopelessly pining to see her, the next he resolved to be completely indifferent toward her, which he stuck for at least a half hour at a time. He tried to ignore his thoughts, but the only distraction came when he saw Ginny with Dean, and his stomach tightened.

On the eve before winter break, Harry collapsed onto his bed. He knew he should at least enchant his trunk to pack itself, but even raising his wand felt like too much effort.

"Girls are inscrutable," he said.

"Are not," Ron said from across the room, also lying on his bed in a useless heap. He winced as he rolled off of his side where a bludger caught him during practice. "They're too honest with the constant coos of "I loooove you" and how our wedding robes will be orange because lavender isn't her favorite color at all."

Harry shook his head and kept quiet. Ron got into the whole mess with Lavender on his own, and he would have to untangle it himself. The idea of Ron and Hermione felt so obvious it made Harry bristle. Pettiness got in the way of something that should have started years ago, and it made everyone in the general vicinity miserable.

Ron kept moaning about his aches and girls, so Harry opened his trunk and got to work packing.

"Accio potions book, accio dress shirt," said Harry. He went on like that until he had everything he needed for his Christmas stay at the Burrow. "Accio map," he said.

The Marauder's Map soared from under his bed and landed neatly in the trunk. An idea lit up in Harry's mind as though someone had cast a patronus.

"Of course! Oh, I really am thick."

"What are you on about?" Ron said, not lifting his head from his pillow.

Harry muttered the words 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good' and the map unfolded.

"If I want to talk to Luna, all I have to do is find her on the map." He had been so preoccupied monitoring Malfoy's whereabouts, he had not thought to look for Luna.

"Again with Luna? Mate, she's _weird_."

Harry ignored Ron, instead studying the map until he found Luna's name. "There! She's leaving the library with Padma Patil. If I hurry, I can head them off before they reach their dorm."

"Pardon me, Harry," said a voice that made both Harry and Ron jump.

Neville put a book down and slid off of his bed.

"How long have you been there?" Ron asked.

"I've been there reading since before you two came in," Neville said.

Harry and Ron glanced at each other and shrugged.

"I didn't notice you," said Harry.

"Of course not," Neville said. "Anyway, Harry, it's one thing to use your map to find intruders on the grounds, but I think using it to track down Luna so you can force her to speak to you counts as stalking."

"I, er, no, I wouldn't," Harry sputtered for a moment, but had to concede. "I supposed you're right."

"Luna's my friend," Neville said. "She doesn't want to talk to you right now. If she does, I'm sure she'll let you know." Something red lit up on Neville's nightstand. It made a loud whizzing sound. "What now? Oh, my mandrakes!" The remembrall died down as Neville fled the room.

"Mischief Managed," Harry said, and slammed his trunk shut.

"Luna's nice," Ron said. "And even pretty in a fairy-isolated-from-society-for-300-years sort of way."

"Your point?" Harry snapped.

"Do you know if she even likes you back?"

Harry refused to think about that one until the morning.

"Good night," he said. He blew out his candle and pulled the covers over his head.

But the question kept him up.

* * *

Christmas came and went with all the cheer the Burrow had to offer. Lupin arrived with word from the Order, and everyone still insisted Malfoy had nothing to do with the Death Eaters, but even that did not ruin the comfort he felt with the Weasleys. It was not quite what he thought coming home to family should feel like—he had never had a real home, so how would he know?—but it was where he felt most welcome.

On Christmas afternoon Harry sat at a window watching frost collect. Mist floated through the valley, covering the Burrow like soft white drapes.

"Owl for you, Ronniekins," said George, brandishing a parcel wrapped in pink paper with bright orange ribbon. "From your girlfriend. She's got awful taste."

"Look who she's dating," said Fred.

Ron attempted to wrestle the package from George while Mrs. Weasley threatened to ground all of them.

"Don't think I can't just because you two are businessmen," she told the twins.

Harry smiled. The Weasley sibling rivalries were a good show. He never got involved. Always the onlooker. Almost home, not quite there.

"Don't look so haunted," said Ginny, sitting down beside him. "It's Christmas."

"Sorry, didn't mean to," he said.

"Something the matter?" Ginny said, leaning toward him. Her earrings sparkled in the light from the Christmas tree. They were from Dean. Ginny had glowed when she opened the box. The knot in Harry's stomach reminded him he had not bought her anything.

"I hurt a friend's feelings, and now she won't speak to me. I've been trying to say I'm sorry, but she avoids me at school. Now I just feel helpless. No chance of running into her here."

"Oh," Ginny said, smoothing out the hem of her dress. There was a pause, and Harry was terrified that he could think of nothing else to say. After a moment, Ginny spoke again. "You should write her a letter."

"That'll work?" said Harry.

"I don't know about that, but she'll know you're sincere."

"Thanks," Harry said, rising to his feet.

"You're writing it now?" said Ginny. She frowned at him. Harry thought that frown was disappointment. Hoped, even.

"Yes, can't wait," he said, heading for the stairs. He took a step and turned to face Ginny again. "By the way, you look lovely."

"Thanks," Ginny said, pink crawling into her cheeks.

Harry fled upstairs before she could see the pink in his.

* * *

Dear Luna,

I have no excuse for how I treated you other than my own stupidity and selfishness. I've never met anyone like you, and that scared me, made me worry about what other people thought of me being with you. That was wrong and I'm so, so sorry.

I want to know you better. I want to talk about missing the people we love beyond the veil. When the snow thaws, maybe we can feed the thestrals together. There's no one else who understands what it would mean.

But I know I shouldn't make plans. Maybe you never want to see me again, and I'll respect that if it's what you want.

Just know that I'm sorry, I'm a fool, and I miss you.

Happy Christmas,

Harry Potter

* * *

Blue skies the shade of phoenix fire reflected on the Great Hall's ceiling the next time Harry saw Luna. He caught sight of her wand sticking out from behind her ear where she sat with a group of Ravenclaw girls Harry did not know. When their eyes met, Luna waved, but went back to her Turkish Delight. The next day they had a brief exchange of "good morning" in the corridor between classes, and Harry felt a jolt of excitement at this. He kept his distance, allowing Luna to become more comfortable around him as the days passed.

But those days turned into weeks. When their conversations did not go beyond pleasantries, Harry resigned himself. _I did what I could_, he thought with a weight in his heart, and something chewing at his brain. _I have to make sure not to mess up with the next girl, if there ever is one_.

Again, Harry threw himself into schoolwork, pensieve watching with Dumbledore, and tracking Malfoy. After the Sectumsempra incident, Harry felt like falling into pieces and letting Filch throw them to the giant squid. The only bright spot was the news that Ginny and Dean split up. At least it should have been a bright spot. Harry had stopped feeling the monster of jealousy gnawing at him after Christmas. Now when he looked at Ginny he saw how pretty she was, and his cheeks still grew hot when he thought of kissing her, but something pulled him out of his fantasy.

It would have been the perfect moment to kiss her when she hugged him after winning the Quidditch match he missed because of Snape's stupid detention. She beamed at him with pride from every inch of her rosy face. It would be so simple, two popular athletes who grew up together falling in love and setting a standard for what romance should look like. They could be the lifelong success story his parents were unable to be.

She was right there, her arms locked tightly around him.

He might have kissed her were it not for the owl.

The barn owl soared in through the open window, dropping the letter on Harry's head before flying out. Harry slipped it out of his hair and turned the envelope over. His name was written in unmistakable loopy handwriting.

Dear Harry Potter,

Forgive the late reply. Mother always said a clear mind is a clear heart. I'm sitting on the roof of the Gryffindor dorms at the moment. Someone has loosed the thestrals from their holds, and they are circling round the grounds.

Yours Truly,

Luna Lovegood

Harry barely read her name before he was up to his dorm and back with this broom.

"Is everything all right, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"It will be," Harry said, taking to the air. A round of laughter went up behind him, followed by cheers. He rose above the tower, searching for Luna.

The setting sun framed her in a glow Harry swore had always been there. He came to rest beside her with no words on his tongue when all words had been there a moment ago.

"Look at the thestrals, Harry," said Luna. She wore a new bottle top necklace, avocado earrings, and an emerald ring on her left pointer finger.

"I'm looking," he said.

"You're not. You're looking at me." She tossed a green apple to a passing thestral that devoured the fruit in one bite.

Harry pulled his gaze away from her to look at the creatures. Their smooth wing beats could not mask the sound of his jittery heart.

"You said you were sorry, so don't feel like you need to say it again. It's a new year. We can both say things we haven't said before." Luna put her hand on top of his eyes. Her grey eyes had never been clearer, like clear, polished windows with the coverings ripped away.

Harry searched those eyes, and found the words he needed.

"My days are predictable without you, Luna. I think of the people I miss most in the world, and how they are never coming back. I barely knew them. If I never truly know you while I can, I'll regret it. Always."

Luna's smile broke across her face wider than the horizon. Harry forgot to breathe as she leaned toward him, and he kissed her, the pressure of the wait sloughing off his back.

"I feel just the same, Harry," Luna said, resting her head on his shoulder.

With Luna in his arms, the monster in his stomach untangled and burst into butterflies. He held Luna closer to fight them off. They were in this new adventure together, after all.

"It feels right to be together," Luna said, and kissed the back of his hand.

"I know," said Harry. "It feels like coming home."


End file.
